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From Polishing the Diamond: Enlightening the Mind by Jae Woong
Kim
When children reach adolescence, they start disobeying
and rebelling against their parents. This is painful, especially for the
mother, because her children defy her after she has nurtured them with
all her mind and body. From the children's point of view, however, it is
perfectly justified. When they were young they could not survive without
their parents, so they had to obey them. Now they are older, they awaken
to the instinct that tells them that they do not need their parents anymore.
At this point, a wise person would say, "I
guess this is a sign that they have grown up." He or she would not be disappointed.
But parents usually say, "How could they do this to me after all I have
done for them?" and demand recognition for their efforts. This is painful
for everyone.
By 8th grader, BEW, on a writing assignment to define "Success"
Success… Last, but not least, is Family. Success relates to
family because you need success to raise a family. Supporting each other
on what they are doing, or if you are the parent, raising your children
successfully. Help out each other, encourage each other, don’t let troubles
pull each other down. Success is to be able to raise, love, and enjoy your
family.
Parenting is one of the most challenging, demanding, and stressful jobs
on the planet. It is also one of the most important, for how it is done
influences in great measure the heart and soul and consciousness of the next
generation, their experience of meaning and connection, their repertoire of
life skills, and their deepest feelings about themselves and their possible
place in a rapidly changing world. Yet those of use who become parents
do so vitually without preparation or training, with little or no guidance
or support, and in a world that values producing far more than nurturing,
doing far more than being.
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and
Jon Kabat-Zinn, published by Hyperion, 1997.
It's a lesson all of us need to learn. As children, we tend
to be perfectionistic: "I want to do it exactly right." One responsibility
of parents is to assure children that their best efforts are fine, that Grandma
doesn't really care if you letter has lines thatgo uphill. We're in process
of always getting better. If its parents don't help a child understand this,
the child will grow up feeling, "that's too difficult for me, so I'm not going
to even try. I can't do it well,so I'm not going to do it."
The Ground We Share: Everyday Practice, Buddhist and Christian by
Aitken Roshi and David Steindl-Rast, published by Triumph Books, 1994.
A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.
If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden.
But if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that
plays havoc with the garden. If discord arises within one's family, one should
not blame others but should examine one's own mind and follow a right path.
The Teachings of Buddha published by Bukkyo DendoKyokau (Buddhist Promoting
Foundation), 500th edition, 1987
…researchers are now seeking to discover the optimal environmental
conditions that will allow the see of caring and compassion to ripen in children.
They have identified several factors: having parents who are able to regulate
their own emotions, who model caring behavior, who set appropriate limits on
the children's behavior, who communicate that a child is responsible for her
or his own behavior, and who use reasoning to help direct the child's attention
to affective or emotional states and the consequences of her of his behavior
on others.
The Art of Happiness by Howard C. Cutler, Md with His Holiness Dali
Lama, Riverhead Books, 1998
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