Mindful Divorce

Divorce - In retrospect

Years have past since my divorce. I realize how fortunate I was in having a reasonable non-antagonistic divorce. My pain from the marriage failure was minor and healed quickly. What hurt more and left more permanent scars were friends who deserted me in my time of need. One friend, whom I thought would always be there, left my life when I needed a friend most. Other friends blamed me and turned their backs. These unexpected results from the marriage breakup have taken years for me to recover. I don't think I'll ever be as trusting in friendship. But it is a Buddhist lesson in non-attachment, being a rock unto myself - a self sustaining island.

Life has gone on and is in many aspects better. A relationship that was not right no longer pulled me down. No one blocks the path to improvement. I am a better parent. Yet finances have remained iffy; love life is non-existent; fears of an uncertain future remain.

Would I do the same over again. A resounding yes. But I do wish I had had a better understanding of what lay before me which might have eased some of the negatives such as the financial struggles, the loss of friendship, and life without hope of a future relationship (The odds of a woman who divorces after the age of 40 ever having a long-term relationship are almost non-existent.). These were the unexpected effects from the action of divorce. And so another Buddhist lesson on cause and effect. We need to be mindful of the full effects of our actions.


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