Some major changes in my life brought one heck of a mid-life crisis during
which I've reexamined much in my life. What I've come up with is that I want
to simplify my life, make my life monastic, my home like a monastery - though
the kids disagree on that point.
While traveling in the car one day, my young son asked me what he could he
be when he grows up. He said he needs to make a lot of money so he can support
me in my old age. I flippantly told him, "I'd rather jump off a cliff
than have you support me." His older sister said, "Wouldn't it just be easier
to become a Buddhist monk?" She definitely has her own wisdom!
My son's desire to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up fed right
into my own crisis as to what I want to do with my own life. I've worked only
part-time since my children were born and continued employment at my current
position is tenuous at best. So I've adopted the goal of becoming a monk
once my children are grown. I'm not attached to this goal -
life does seem to have a way of toppling my plans!
Things to make life more monastic, my adjustments, and tips for others:
Become Alcohol Free - Alcohol was the first thing I gave up.
I mostly drank fine wine or imported beer as a social thing and sort of statement
saying I'm sophisticated. Being monastic means not worrying about whether
you are sophisticated.
If you feel you need to drink to relax - try meditating more.
Eliminate addictive foods - Cokes and chocolates were my worst addictions
sometimes falling into times when the more I ate, the more I wanted them.
Now, the kids love eating all the chocolates and not sharing with me.
If you have more than one, eliminate one at a time.
Munch vegetable sticks when you get a craving.
Be vegetarian - Dinner time can be a challenge when you are the
only vegetarian in the house. I do not push vegetarianism on my kids,
though we do consume some non meat dinners together.
Find vegetarian foods the kids can enjoy: macaroni & cheese,
cheese or vegetarian pizza, bean burritos
Artificial meats can be helpful.
Have times of solitude - Being divorced, my kids go off to be with
their father every other weekend, providing me with the perfect time to experience
solitude.
Make solitude time if you don't get it otherwise.
Use the time effectively. Meditate, soul search, write in a journal.
Have silent time without music, television, or other noise.
Reduce possessions - I've cleared out and gotten rid of much of
my own things, but it seems the more space I clear out, the more the kids
fill it up with their own things.
Purchase less - ask yourself if you really need an item.
Constantly reevaluate the things you own and get rid of things you no
longer need.
Donate your excess to charities or thrift stores.
Relationship Responsibility - For me that is being free from relationships.
Not something I tried to be, but I somehow ended up this way - being divorced,
middle-aged and frumpy doesn't make one the most attractive of potential mates.
Being alone also been the hardest thing for me to accept and adjust to.
It's ingrained in me to be part of a relationship.
I do not advocate eliminating relationships. I believe a strong, solid,
Dharma-based relationship is an excellent foundation for family life.
Work hard to build and maintain a strong relationship.
Seek counseling early on, don't let things deteriate to an unfixable
level before seeking help.
If without a relationship, don't seek out new relationships just to fill
an empty space within or because you are afraid to be alone.
It is difficult when all of society pushes relationships - recognize
that and release the desire to conform.
Learn to accept yourself and enjoy being with yourself.
Only time can mend a broken heart (sometimes lots of time). It's a
necessary and natural process - don't enter a relationship just to speed
or to skip that process.
A monastic life is not for every one, but you might want to implement a few
of the above into your life.
