Monastic Mom

Anger - recognizing hidden magma within

Early one morning this summer I checked my e-mail to discover a number of returned undeliverable email which I hadn't sent out. Puzzled I opened the first one and discovered someone had send out spam e-mail using my e-mail address. Spam of the worse kind - containing graphic images and advertising a web site that show a total disrespect for women, procreation, and make vulgar that which should be intimate and sacred in life. By the end of the day there were over 200 messages.  I felt violated and angry. I also was upset over the fact that the e-mail address stolen was the username where Family Dharma Connections was hosted.  I moved quickly to set up a new location to host this site and cancel my old account. Although my account has been canceled the web site still seems to be hosted, but I have no access to it.

For days I felt an incredible anger. I was angry at those who created Internet e-mail which does not need password verification in order to send e-mail - anyone can send e-mail using your e-mail address. I was angry at the world. I was angry at men in general. My anger was way out of proportion to what had happened. And then I realized that I had been suppressing anger about other things for a long time and this incident was like a volcanic fissure opening and releasing the pent up magna below the surface. I was angry at the men in my past failed relationships — one in particular who had completely shattered my heart and left me feeling used. But in the midst of confusion, fear and grief, I had suppressed the anger. Now here it was years later boiling forth. Anger is like that.

The first step in dealing with anger is acknowledging it. Once I realized that I had been angry below the surface for a long time, I could deal effectively with the anger. Embrace the anger and release it. Breathing meditation helped me a lot. Breathing in to recognize/embrace the anger. Breathing out to release it. Amazing in the several months since this incident, I have become more emotionally healed than ever before. Anger was a barrier to healing. Anger was not allowing me to let go of the past.

How many times do we let anger seethe and explode over other things? This can happen in little ways. We get angry at work, come home and snap at the kids over something small leaving them feeling confused and angry themselves. Anger spreads like that.

How do we deal with anger?

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